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Echoes of the Mirror 1.3.5 ‘Regrettable Actions Part-2’
In this particular series, it should be noted that there is a heavy focus on sexual themes, violence, and traumatic events.
These are meant to challenge the main character's views on the world and his relationships.
That being said, If your someone who's okay with that, I'd really appreciate it if you want to check it out and leave some feedback.
I stepped through the threshold of the large eastern-style home I lived in.
As I began to take off my shoes, I could hear my mom calling to me from the kitchen.
“Alex, is that you?”
-Who else would it be?
I let out a sigh.
“Yeah, mom. It’s me.”
Setting my shoes off to the side, I paced my through the living room and made my way to the kitchen.
Dinner was already finished and I saw that my mom had set an extra plate on the dining room table.
This made me cringe.
I felt stupid for asking my mom to make more food for Haku…
I may have not let him know that my family was actually planning for him to come over… But still…
How could he just decline my invitation so easily?
My family absolutely loved him, yet almost every time I invite him over he says ‘no’.
“We don’t need the extra plate, mom.”
Turning her head towards me, my mother brushed her long black hair away from her eyes and gave me a curious look.
“Didn’t you say that you were going to invite Haku over today, to try and make things up with him? You were so worked up about it before you went to school.”
I wish she could’ve just guessed how well that went.
“Yeah. I was going to, but he had to meet up with Kira so he couldn’t come.”
While what he said was most likely true, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he lied to me.
As my mother opened her mouth to respond, I could hear the sliding of a door from the living room along with a voice.
“Hmph! Back in my day, the woman in our family had more backbone! If we had a man in our sights, he didn’t have a choice of saying ‘no’ to a nice home-cooked meal!”
-Here comes granny… letting her presence be well known...
My mom let out a gasp.
“Mother! Don’t say things like that!”
I could see my grandmother make her way around the corner with her cane in hand, shaking her head.
“Pfff! I’m telling her what it means to be a real Matsumoto woman!”
She pointed her cane towards my mother shaking it.
“I didn’t get around to bringing you into this world just because a man said ‘no’!”
My mother shook her head.
My grandmother gave a wave of her hand and interjected.
“That Maeda boy is a strapping young man! If Alex wants him, as is her right as a Matsumoto, she should take him!”
I began to blush.
-What are you saying?!
“Granny! Haku and I aren’t like that! We’re just friends, nothing else!”
My grandmother made her way slowly over to the dinner table before casting me a look.
“Nonsense! He’s a man and you’re a woman! He’s the only male you’re ever around. If that isn’t a reason to get married I don’t know what is.”
I’d be lying if I said I hung out with other guys besides Haku, but still... Just because I hang out with someone doesn’t mean they have to marry me!
I could feel aggravation sweeping over me.
“Anyhow granny, Kira likes Haku... You know? Kira? My best friend? And she’s known him a lot longer than I have.”
I could hear my grandmother growl from across the table.
“Bah! Those Nakajima's get their hands on all the men! It’d serve them right to have one taken away. Besides, I want great-grand babies before I die! I’ll be damned if I’ll let a Nakajima get in the way of that!”
My mother shook her head as she poured my grandmother and me a cup of tea.
“You said the same things to me before I gave birth to Alex, aren’t you satisfied yet?”
My grandmother took a sip of tea before glancing over at my mom.
“Took you forever too... I could’ve sworn to god that those legs of yours were glued shut.”
I let out a bit of a giggle, making my mother cast me a furious look.
Setting down her cup my grandmother looked over to me.
“I tell you, Alex, you need to be quick. Those Nakajima’s have already essentially wed those two! Gave him an apartment, a job and everything else before we could even blink. I swear they’re two steps away from just locking the two in a room and making them go at it!”
My mother rolled her eyes.
“That sounds more like something you’d do…”
My grandmother nodded her pleased.
“That’s exactly what I’d do! The heir of the Matsumoto family needs a good man and children!”
I decided that I’d just let the conversation die out.
My grandmother went on long tangents of what a ‘good Matsumoto woman’ would do almost every day.
After a while or so, we finally managed to actually sit down and have dinner.
I didn’t talk much…
I was happy that Haku wasn’t angry at me, but it felt wrong that he wasn’t.
Deep down though, I felt that he turned down my invitation because he wanted to stay away from me.
“Alex? Are you okay?”
My mother was looking at me from across the table. I barely touched my food.
“Yeah, mom… I’m fine… School was just really long and I don’t feel that hungry.”
I could hear my grandmother scoff.
“Being tired after a long day means you need good nutrition! You’re a powerful summoner and a Matsumoto woman at that! You’re gonna burn yourself out if you don’t eat properly!”
My grandmother's words may have seemed cold to anyone else, but I could tell she was just as worried about me as my mother.
As the next heir to the Matsumoto family, I would essentially end up as the next head of Hira...
We didn’t really have the luxury of being able to have down-days. The expectations were too high for that.
“It’s okay mother, Alex probably had a hard day at school, didn’t you say you had practical exams, honey?”
I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost forgot about that…
“Yeah. I did actually. And don’t worry granny, I aced it…”
The look on my mom and grandma’s faces were concerned, but I could tell they weren’t going to pry any further.
“Ok… Well why don’t you go lie down and get some rest, I’ll wrap your food up for you so you can have it tomorrow. Oh. And don’t worry, I’ll set aside some for you to bring to Haku for lunch.”
My mother was one of the kindest people you could ever meet, even though her temper was worse than mine if you got on her bad side.
“Thanks, mom… goodnight granny.”
I got up from the table and made my way to my bedroom.
Sliding the door shut behind me, I began to take off my clothes.
I let my underwear, skirt and blazer fall to the floor, not even bothering to pick them up. I was too physically and emotionally exhausted to care about leaving a mess.
I thought about taking a bath but decided against it since I showered after my exam.
Undoing the hooks on my bra, I let out a sigh of relief.
-Goddamn torture devices… Stupid…
I threw it off to the side and sat on my bed to remove my stockings.
Finally free of my clothes, I reclined myself back and took a deep breath.
I thought back to Haku.
I knew that what happened on the field was an accident, but I still felt guilty.
“If I just studied more and tried harder to become a summoner then this wouldn’t have happened… Right, Alex?”
I shook my head.
-Stop it Alex! He said he was sorry! You would have been angry too!
It’s true… If he had pushed me to do better in my life like everyone else did, I would be furious.
I grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly.
Despite Haku’s habit of lashing out, I thought of how much he must be holding back.
Unlike me, Haku didn’t have the luxury of being able to challenge someone to a duel every time he was angry… I could only imagine how much that must tear him up inside… Having so much anger and sadness built up inside him with no outlet to release it...
I try my best to support him, but I don’t really know how to…
The only reason I lecture him is because he has so much potential… It’s the only way I know how to show him I care. It’s the same way my family shows me that they care.
I sighed and pulled the pillow over my face.
Does he even realize how much I care about him?
No… He’d probably think it’s weird if he knew how much I care. After all, he openly admitted to me that he didn’t even really think of me as a girl.
He said that years ago… There’s no way he thinks of me as anything but a girl now…
I closed my eyes.
I mean… especially after what happened last year…
I twirled around in front of the mirror in my room and smiled.
-Yeah! I wonder what he’ll say when he sees me wearing this!
I had on a slightly elegant white sundress that I bought specifically for this occasion.
It was Haku’s 19th birthday.
I brought my face closer to the mirror and moved a few strands of hair away from my eyes.
-Ugh… I really want to cut it…
I took my long brunette hair into my hand and considered putting it in a ponytail.
-Like this? Ugh… no…
I really didn’t want to keep my hair long, but from what I heard people found it more feminine this way.
I could hear footsteps behind me.
“You look fine Alex. I’m sure everyone will think that you’re cute!”
-Come on mom… cute? I’m 18. I at least want to be ‘pretty’.
I could see my mom smiling from behind me.
It felt weird… I was used to wearing jeans or a school uniform… wearing a dress just felt kinda’ wrong.
I didn’t care though.
I was going to prove him wrong!
I was going to show Haku that I could be feminine!
Frustration started to build up inside of me.
He has to acknowledge me as a girl now!
“I don’t know… I guess I’m just not used to it.”
I looked at my mother with a somewhat nervous smile.
“Well if you keep fussing, you’re never going to get there on time!”
“Mom… It’s just going to be me, Kira, and Haku… There’s no real ‘being late’.”
My mother sighed.
“Alright. Whatever you say.”
She gave me a slight smile before leaving the room.
I gave one last glance towards the mirror before I went to my bed and grabbed Haku’s gift.
It was the latest generation NashTek phone, not even on the market yet.
I wasn’t a fan of using my influence as a Matsumoto to obtain things, but even I was impressed.
There was no way he wouldn’t like my present.
It may not be as flashy as the motorcycle I got him last year, but this would be more useful, right?
I examined the box in my hand and scowled.
It was wrapped up in pink wrapping paper with bunnies.
I hope he doesn’t mind…
I left my room with the present under my arm and gave my mom a wave before heading over to Haku’s apartment.
Leaving the estate, I looked up at the sky.
-Looks like it’s going to rain…
I walked around the back of the bookstore and climbed the stairs, being careful not to catch my sandals on the steps.
-Maybe this is a bad idea… Should I go home and change?
-No… I can do this.
Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door.
“Who is it~?”
The door flung open to reveal Kira on the other side, as happy as ever.
Kira jumped forward and embraced me as she rubbed her face against mine.
“No! Please, Kira! The steps! THE STEPS!”
Catching myself on the banister, I managed to avoid flying down the stairs.
Satisfied with her greeting, Kira finally let me go and started oo-ing and awe-ing as she looked me up and down.
“Wow~! You look super pretty Ally!”
Before I even had time to respond, Kira already had me by the wrist and was dragging me inside.
“Haku! Look how pretty Ally is!”
This was it.
I could see Haku make his way out of the kitchen wearing an apron.
He raised an eyebrow as he looked me over.
“Wow. What’s the occasion Alex? You know it’s only my birthday, right? You didn’t have to go through the trouble of getting dressed up.”
I felt my face getting red.
“W-well… what do you think?”
I twirled a little bit, trying to be nonchalant.
Haku scratched his head.
“I don’t know… It’s kind of odd seeing you dressed like that…”
-He hates it. He absolutely hates it. I knew it. I knew it was stupid. I should’ve never even tried.
“...but it looks good on you. Very pretty.”
-H-he called me p-pretty?
I could feel my face go bright red.
Haku tilted his head.
“You okay, Alex? Why don’t you sit down, I’m almost done cooking.”
Finally, realizing that Haku was talking to me, I nodded.
I took off my sandals and set them to side.
Setting Haku’s present on the floor next to Kira’s, I sat down on the couch and relaxed.
Suddenly, I realized that I forgot something super important.
“Oh! Happy birthday, Haku!”
I could see Haku look up from the counter, giving me a slight smile.
“Oh. Thank you.”
He seemed to be in deep thought…
Was he that into cooking?
Finally, he emerged from the kitchen, plates in hand.
“Alright. Here we go.”
He gave us each a dish and took a seat in the computer chair he dragged out of his room.
I could see Kira give Haku a somewhat apologetic look.
“You didn’t have to be the one to make dinner Haku… I was more than happy to cook for you.”
“Hmm? Oh, I don’t mind. I wanted to try out this recipe for a while, I’m just happy I finally managed to get around to making it.”
The food was really good.
It was Italian I think? Not too sure.
All I knew is that it was a pasta based dish.
It made me feel a little insecure though.
Unlike Kira, I wouldn’t have been able to help Haku out in the kitchen at all. Last time I tried to cook I almost set the pan on fire… another ‘womanly skill’ I was incapable of.
“Is it that bad…?”
Haku was looking over at me with disappointment written across his face.
He must have seen me scowling.
“What? No! It’s really good! I was just thinking about the last time I tried to cook something…”
Haku rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, I remember. I was there. The flaming pan? You still owe me a new one by the way.”
I looked down.
I felt like crying.
“I’m just joking Alex. It’s okay! Cooking takes practice. It’s only expected that there would be a few...Uh…’mistakes’.”
-Thanks… way to make me feel better…
“I just feel bad that I couldn’t help out…”
At this point, Haku just shook his head in disappointment.
“I just said 'it’s fine'. I’m more than happy to cook. I’m just glad I have company on my birthday, so don’t look so down, okay? It makes me feel depressed.”
I smiled and tried to cheer up a bit.
It was Haku’s birthday and it would be selfish of me pout.
After we finished dinner, we jumped straight to presents since Haku didn’t want a cake for his birthday.
Kira got Haku a new school bag and her parents bought him the manga that he had on his wish list at the bookstore.
Happily enough, Haku seemed really into the gift that I got him.
He kept talking about the giga-somethings and mega-hoozies… I don’t know. I was just glad that I was able to impress him a bit… and that he didn’t mind the bunnies.
Kira had to leave almost right after to help her parents out at the general store.
This left me and Haku to clean up.
I stood at the kitchen sink washing dishes as Haku straightened up the living room.
“It’s actually really odd seeing you clean, Alex.”
I felt offended.
He laughed a bit.
“I don’t know, I’m just so used to you giving everyone a hard time that it’s strange to see you acting nice.”
“I don’t give people a hard time! People just keep acting stupid, so I have to call them out on it!”
Haku rolled his eyes.
“You see, Alex, that’s precisely why you don’t have very many friends… If you keep it up, you’ll just be stuck with me.”
Hearing his words, I blushed a little.
“Well… I don’t really mind if it’s you…”
Haku tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.
“What did you say? I couldn’t really hear you.”
My eyes widened.
-Oh no… I said that out loud.
“I said ‘it’s their loss’! Not everyone can be so blessed as to have me as a friend!”
Haku just shook his head.
Finishing the dishes, I went into the living room to help Haku.
“Hey… Do you really think I’m that bad?”
Looking up, Haku smiled.
“Nah. Not really. I think that people are just put off by how direct and masculine you act.”
This angered me.
“Did you just call me ‘manly’?!”
“Not ‘manly’ perse… I’d be lying if I said you were girly though…”
-Ugh! What’s his issue!? I’m in a dress and everything and he still thinks that!
“Haku… I am girly. Probably more than you know.”
Haku raised an eyebrow.
“Oh? Enlighten me.”
My frustration was coming close to a breaking point.
“Fine! I’ll tell you! I still sleep with stuffed animals even though I’m 18, My favorite color is light-pink, my favorite type of manga is Shojo, every time I go to Main St. I stop into the pet shop and pet the kittens, I keep a diary, and not that it’s any of your business… during class, I practice writing my name with my crush’s last name!”
Haku smirked mischievously.
“Oh~? A crush huh? What’s her name?”
That was the point of no return.
I walked over to Haku and shoved him as hard as I could, knocking him to the ground.
“Why do you have to be such a fucking asshole, Haku!? I have a crush on a guy, Haku! A GUY! I’m a girl, Haku! A FUCKING GIRL! Stop treating me like I’m a boy!”
Haku raised his hands up defensively, completely taken back.
“Easy! I’m sorry! I was just joking around Alex! Of course you’re a girl! What’s with you today? You’re not normally this thin-skinned… What’s going on?”
I tried my best to hold back my tears.
“It’s not called being ‘thin-skinned’, Haku! It’s called having feelings! You know what? Screw you. I’m leaving.”
As I turned around to leave, I felt a kick to the back of my calf along with a hard tug on my dress, sending me backward, landing on top of Haku.
I felt arms wrap around me.
“Hey… Don’t be like that. I’m sorry. We’ve been friends for how many years now? What’s going on, talk to me.”
I felt like punching him in the face.
I hate being manhandled.
Instead, I let my head fall to his chest.
“Why do you always treat me like a boy, Haku?”
“I didn’t think I did… I don’t know… You’re always rough and aggressive, so I just treat you the same way… How do you want me to treat you?”
I turned over and sat on Haku’s legs, holding my face only a short distance from his.
“Do you see me as a girl?”
He seemed confused.
“Yes! Of course, I do!”
My heart thumped.
I never told Haku that I had a crush on him since middle school.
For several years, I hoped that he might see me the same way that I saw him.
I never really talked to any other guys… Most were either too afraid of me or thought that it was too inappropriate to be friends with the heir of the Matsumoto family.
Not Haku though.
It was due to Kira that we became friends, but he didn’t treat me like I was special.
He was never impressed.
He just acted like I was a normal person.
No, he just treated me like a person.
I looked into his eyes and felt a longing in my chest.
I never had the chance to be intimate with a guy…
Even then, the only person I could see myself being with was him.
Would he hate me if I confessed my feelings as aggressively as this?
Would it be worth it?
We were alone in his apartment and he said that he saw me as a girl.
This was my only chance...
-This is it… I have to go all in…
I put a hand to the side of his face and lowered my face to his.
Closing my eyes I pressed my lips to his.
The feeling I felt now was unlike anything I felt before.
I was finally confessing my feelings to the guy I liked.
I parted Haku’s lips with mine and let my tongue slide against his.
A hand clasped the back of my head and pressed me closer to Haku.
I wrapped my arms around the back of his head and kissed him more forcefully.
I could feel a warmth build up inside of me.
I wanted to be closer to him.
Erotic thoughts began to dance in my head as I tried to be decisive in my next move.
I lifted my head, letting the saliva drip off my tongue.
“Haku… as a girl, there are several things that I’ve wanted to ‘try’... will you try them with me?”
I pressed my hips down and felt something hard near his nether region.
I couldn’t bear with thought of him saying ‘no’, so I took this as his answer.
I set my head on his chest and nervously fiddled with belt…
I pulled his pants and underwear off.
My breath was heavy…
I was nervous beyond belief.
Was I being too straightforward?
I had an idea of what to do, but would he even enjoy it?
I pulled of my underwear and set them to the side with his clothes.
I put a hand on Haku’s chest as I used the other to put him inside me.
A moan escaped my lips as I lowered myself onto him.
I felt my face go red.
I was embarrassed, nervous, yet enthralled by the feelings swirling inside of me.
I moved my hips up and down…
The feeling was incredible.
Haku grasped my waist forcefully, sending him deeper inside me.
I let my body fall onto his, letting him take control of the rhythm.
I gripped his arm tightly and sunk my teeth into his shoulder as his rhythm increased.
Suddenly, he threw me onto my back, spreading my legs apart with his hips.
He gripped my hips tightly as he entered me.
I let my moans become louder as I threw my arms around his neck.
I could feel myself coming to a climax.
It was like a pent-up amount of energy was about to release itself.
My body trembled underneath his as a feeling of euphoria swept over me.
My lips parted, letting out a loud moan.
I pressed my lips against his and let his tongue entwine with mine as I waited for him to finish.
His hip movements quickened, letting me know he was almost done.
I felt a strange feeling sweep over me.
I was excited by the idea of him finishing in me.
I felt that this above all else was his acceptance of my feelings.
Suddenly, he stopped.
I smiled, confident that I made him feel good.
As I pulled back my face away from his, I noticed he didn’t seem happy.
His eyes were filled with regret…
“Hey… you okay, Haku? What’s wrong? Did you finish?”
He didn’t look at me.
“Yeah… I did…”
He was just tired, right?
Nothing could’ve been wrong, right?
“You’re on birth control... right?”
Something was wrong.
“Yeah… of course… why? What’s wrong?”
He looked at me with sad eyes.
“...This...was just an experiment right? Between two friends?”
My heart sank.
He slowly took my arms off his neck.
“...Don’t get me wrong… I like you, Alex. I like you a lot…you’re very attractive and you mean a lot to me... but…”
Here it comes…
“I-I...just don’t like you like that…”
-No… He’s… rejecting me?
I held back the tears building up inside me.
“No… I know… we were just… experimenting…”
He let out a slight breath of relief.
“Okay… just making sure… don’t move, I’ll grab you a towel.”
As he got up and went off to the bathroom, I laid there for a second and began to fully grasp the situation.
I felt dirty.
I felt like a whore.
I laid on the floor of my friend’s apartment with my legs apart.
The dress I bought to impress the guy I so desperately wanted to be with was now wet and dirty.
Haku came back and handed me the towel with a weak smile.
I tried hard not to choke on my words.
I couldn’t let him know how devastated I felt.
Cleaning myself up I picked myself up off the floor.
“If you want Alex, you can spend the night here… It’s raining pretty hard outside…”
He put a hand on my shoulder, looking at me with concern.
“No. It’s fine. I can still get home alright.”
Haku didn’t seem to take this well.
“Are you sure? It’s fine if you stay. Really.”
I gritted my teeth.
I knew Haku meant it in good faith, but it felt like he was rubbing the situation in my face.
“I just said that it was fine.”
He seemed taken back, but he didn’t argue.
“Okay, Alex… If you really think so…”
I thanked Haku for the meal and wished him a happy birthday before I left.
He was right…
It was pouring outside…
I let myself cry.
I was no longer a virgin…
I gave Haku my body and he rejected me…
Was I not girly enough for him?
Did he think that I wouldn’t be able to show him the affection a normal girl would?
I felt ashamed.
I didn’t even let him say ‘no’.
I forced myself on to him without even asking how he felt about me.
As I walked down the sidewalk, I felt my phone ring.
It was Kira.
“Hmm? Are you okay Ally? You seem down…”
“Yeah… I’m fine… Just kind of tired after helping Haku clean up…”
“Oh? Okay… just making sure… ANYHOW! Did he talk about me at all?”
What did she mean ‘talk about me?’, why would it matter?
“Well… I kinda’ have a secret that I want to tell you…”
I felt a certain anxiety in my chest.
“What is it?”
“Well… I’m thinking about confessing to Haku… I didn’t tell you, but I’ve liked him for a while… I think I’m ready to let him know.”
My heart skipped a beat.
“Ally? Are you okay? You still there?”
I felt angry.
“All*Fitz* yo*pop* st-*”
The screen on my phone flickered and died as water dripped down the front.
I chucked my phone as hard as I could into the air before putting a hand out in front of me.
The pact-mark on my thigh shined a bright green before my phone violently exploded into a million pieces.
My hope of ending up with Haku shattered…
Kira knew him a lot longer than I did…
I was rejected.
I had no right to get into her way.
I started sobbing
I had to pretend this didn’t happen.
I had to forget about my night with Haku.
I had to let it go…
“I’m getting a fucking haircut…”
I found myself lying naked on my bed, moaning into my pillow.
My eyes widened as I threw my pillow across the room in disgust.
I took my hand from between my legs and scowled.
-It’s been a year… WHY DO I STILL FEEL THIS WAY?
I got up and grabbed some pajamas from my dresser.
-He’s Kira’s love interest! My best friend!
He hates me anyhow...
I took his virginity and I nearly took his life.
All I can do now is support him and his choices.
Putting on my pajamas, I got into bed and gently cried myself to sleep.