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Square One Chapter 1 ‘Dsyfunctional’

Chapter 1 of 'Square One' is now up and ready! I hope you all enjoy and I would appreciate any constructive criticism from fellow authors and readers. Thank you all and enjoy! (**IT'S THE ATTACHMENT BELOW**)

Discussion (3)

  1. NameLess+NEET

    I’m not really well on writing reviews but I’ll give it a shot 😀

    Square One initial Review

    I’ve always been a fan of slice of life stories like this.Stories that can realistically showcase the hard struggle of those people who makes manga just for us –the readers- have something to get entertained with.Square One is likely related to Bakuman –which is a story about mangakas.

    Though it’s far from being ripped off since the roles of the characters are entirely different, so don’t worry :D. The most important part of writing an introduction is to instantly get your readers hooked up starting from the first page to last. I’m glad to say that you’ve met that condition –at least for me, like I said earlier, I’m a fan of stories like this.

    Story Concept 8/10

    I’ll give the story an 8 score for the meantime. The challenge of writing SOL is to turn your scenes as realistic as possible. Since your plot is about professionals and such, it was a plus that the story commenced when the MC, or AkariIsealready experienced failure.

    Characters 7/10

    It was a good thing that character flaws are present, but be careful that the personality of your characters might be hated by other readers :D. Other readers actually start to hate arrogant characters, such as most shounen MCs. But as for me, I’d rather think of it in an opposite way. There are characters with bad personalities –for the eyes of the majority– which I like, such as Tanaka Asuka of HEupho,Hachiman of Oregairu, and Chitose of GNumber. For me, I see them as someone unique above everyone else.

    In your case, your characters followed the usual anime “-dere” troupe. I’m not saying that it’s a negative remark though, first… I’ve only read the pilot chapter.

    Monologue 9/10

    One unique thing about light novels is the Mcs monologue. The narration around here had properly executed.It’s the best thatthe personality of the narrator is already portrayed on his narration and remarks about the other characters that he meets.

    Anime theme 9/10

    For me, a light novel can’t be called a “light novel” if it doesn’t have an anime feel throughout the story. Since your concept is already about manga, you’re already atit. The names are also Japanese instead of English.

    I’mnot sure if you’ve removed the honorifics for the sake of those who haven’t read a light novel at all. But in case you want to use them, adding honorifics also adds more Anime-ish theme throughout a LN. Be sure to study their proper usage first though.

    Art 8/10

    Since I’ve got a glimpse of the art. I’ll also give it a score. If there are no illustrations, I might’ve suggested a proper self-introduction of AkariIse. I was honestly confused of his gender at first, for the reason that the name “Akari” is often addressed to a girl :D.

    But as the saying says, one illustration is composed of a thousand words.

    Overall 9/10

    Overall, the introduction of the concept was interesting. As long as it’s interesting, there’s no problem. Unless you are a perfectionist who aims to write an ultimate masterpiece :D.

    I’m looking forward for the characters developments –if not on chapter 2, then on the next succeeding chapters–, and because I kinda feel like the story can be included to the shounen genre, it’s apparent that rivalries will come out soon.

    1. Mohamed Shafiek Post author

      Thank you for your feedback so much! Although you say you’re not that good at giving criticism, you did well here!

      I think it was Strovist who reviewed the first chapter also and he mentioned an anime called Bakuman. I’ve never seen or heard of it until now and might look into it when I’m free.

      I don’t like to defend my story so I’m not going to because I feel that if there are flaws, shortcomings should be blamed on me and I respect criticism highly because it’s an opportunity to really test the waters to viewers who are strangers and don’t know me personally.

      The only qualm I have is regarding honorifics. I know that it is indeed an integral part of anime writing, however, I foresee that not a lot of Japanese readers would see my story unless translated so. I try to keep in mind that most of my upcoming audience does not understand the honorific system and putting it in would of make it jarring to read.

      In any case, thank you for your feedback and I look forward to your review of chapter 2, which is available already at your leisure.

  2. NameLess+NEET

    I’m actually waiting for the third chapter to come out before I write a review.

    But yeah, here it is…

    The second chapter tackles about Akari’s background. Also, his character development was properly executed here. Now we knew that this career is going to be a hard struggle for him. His father, -a professional mangaka- is a big plus in the story. The realistic SOL was there, AkariIse, though their family has a background in a manga, rather than turning it as his inspiration, he was pressured instead.

    However, I was sure that he could overcome this obstacle himself. After all, “All humans are unique”. That’s why creating your own name is better.