Twins 99 Volume 1 – How Heroes Start Chapter 2: Fighting the Darkseid Looking Alien

“What do you mean you have superspeed?”

“I mean. I HAVE SUPERSPEED.”

I slowly utter, so Jovan can understand the words I am saying. He can tell by my voice that I'm serious. Jovan can also tell that I'm frightened just by looking at me.

“That would explain why he's on the ground.”

Jovan pretends to be untroubled while noticing that the Darkseid looking alien is starting to get up.

“So, you can already control your superspeed?”

Jovan assumes based on the fact that I attacked the alien by using my superspeed.

“No.”

That last hit was luck. When I first realized I had superspeed, I ran into a wall just because of how fast I was going. My eyes couldn't see my superspeed in motion. I almost tripped when I hit the blue alien. It's useless. The Darkseid looking alien charges at us.

“Crap, okay, Javon.”

I naturally ignore Jovan as I'm frozen in fear. I have so many questions. Why do I have superspeed? Why are Jovan's eyes blue? How come we're the only people who can see this thing? What does this Darkseid looking character want?

“Dammit, man, come on!”

Jovan speaks, trying to get me out of my petrified condition.

“What are you two doing? Jovan, why did you break the wall down?”

We turn to our left and see Jordan. He just looks lost in thought. Lost in a world. We thought. Didn’t exist.

“Don’t get sidetracked.”

The Darkseid looking alien pounds us both through the ground and onto the second floor of the school. The alien's attack leaves a huge hole in the hallway of the third floor. From my eyes, it looks like a deathbed. Jordan is muddled by this scene. From his point of view, it looked like we just got hit by gravity.

“What the hell just happened?”

Jordan freaks out and runs into Mrs. Miller’s classroom.

“Mrs. Miller!”

Jordan screams at the top of his lungs.

“What is it?”

Mrs. Miller inquires while shaking two injured students.

“Javon and Jovan somehow got hit down to the second floor. I don’t know how, but there’s a hole and everything.”

“Okay, Jordan, whatever you say.”

Mrs. Miller disregards Jordan’s answer as a meaningless comment.

“Did you hear what he just said?”

“Javon and Jovan got hurt by something.”

“They need help.”

Sebastian, Thomas, and David urgently state with solemn faces. Somehow, they are not fazed by their current situation.

“I heard what he said, however they are probably fine. He made it seem like they were hit by gravity or something. And, that’s not possible. Nothing supernatural like that would never happen. Everything is going to be okay. After I wake up these students, we’ll start class again.”

Mrs, Miller declares with an unfazed and delusional expression.

“She is in total denial!”

Sebastian, Thomas, and David all agree in their head.

“Everyone, carry the wounded and get out of this school!”

Selena surprisingly orders from the shadows.

“Purple poison has the right idea. What she said!”

Jordan adds as he calms himself down and tries to sound like a leader.

“YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

Most of the uninjured students race out of the classroom, crying with hopeless grins on their faces.

“Didn’t she also say to carry the wounded?”

Sebastian points out as the injured students are still in the classroom.

“So, that’s how terrified they are.”

“They probably only heard her say ‘Get out of this school’.”

Thomas and David comment, disappointed with the students who ran out of the classroom.

“Oh well, I don't blame them. I would’ve ran too.”

Selena states with all honesty and a random smile.

“That's not reassuring at all, so why are you smiling?”

Jordan responds with a depressed and baffled face.

“We'll have to carry them ourselves.”

Selena runs over to Mrs. Miller and smacks her so hard that people could hear it from outside.

“Damn, that sounded like a sin!”

Sebastian exaggerates the power behind Selena’s slap, but everyone in the classroom didn't expect Selena to smack Mrs. Miller.

“Come on, we’ve got work to do.”

Selena grabs one of the bruised students and carefully jogs out of the classroom. Mrs. Miller regains her composure and picks herself up.

“She is right. Okay, everyone, let’s carry…”

“Yeah, we know. Purple poison already said it.”

David mentions as he carries an injured student.

“Oh. Wait, that’s her name?”

Mrs. Miller wonders with a dumbfounded look since she never finished taking roll.

“No, but I don't know her real name.”

David stupidly answers. Mrs. Miller glances at him like he couldn't have said anything dumber than that. Meanwhile, I'm lying in a small crater while Jovan repeatedly dodges the Darkseid looking alien.

“How am I going to fight this alien when Javon is acting suicidal and the only thing I can think about is how to evade this thing?”

Jovan frantically questions himself just as the Darkseid looking alien attempts to punch him. He barely eludes it by jumping over its arm and lands behind it afterwards.

The Darkseid looking alien immediately turns around and aims to smash Jovan's leg. Jovan sidesteps away from the blue alien's attack, which causes him to pound the ground. The force of the attack cracks the ground straightaway and blows Jovan away as if he got hit by wind.

“What options do I even have?”

Jovan brainstorms as he rises up from the floor. He also spots multiple students running on the other side of the hallway behind the Darkseid looking alien.

“Javon!”

Jovan yells to get my attention. I turn my head and peer at the students heading towards the blue alien. Shit, I need to do something! But, what can I do? I can't use my superspeed properly. The students are getting closer to the blue alien while he rushes at Jovan.

That shouldn't matter right now! I'm not going to be like those cowardly anime characters anymore. If I don't fight this alien, who will? Not Jovan. I need to get my act together and…

“FACE REALITY!”

Like a gust of wind, I instantly dash past the students and punch the Darkseid looking alien in its stomach before it even gets a chance to hit Jovan.

My punch is so strong that the blue alien flies through the window and out of the school. It lands in front of the school and creates a small explosion that makes the school entrance look like an abandoned parking lot.

“About damn time.”

Jovan remarks.

“Yeah yeah.”

Without a delay, several students trample us. They actually step on us like we're nothing. Luckily, the students leave just as quick as they came.

“Ah, what the hell. Was that our class?”

Jovan mentions with footprints all over his body.

“Yeah, it was. And, then one.”

I answer as I lie on the floor with Carol’s body on top of mine. I can feel her soft breasts on my chest. And, I can also feel her…

“Jesus!”

Jovan comments as I receive a massive nosebleed. My blood gets on Carol’s short sleeve dress shirt and tie.

“Ewwwwwwwwww!”

Carol immediately stands up, looking disgusted and humiliated. She kicks me in my face as punishment. Her footprint adds to the other footprints on my body from getting trampled by a number of students.

Oh great, where have I seen this before? The main character gets beat up for touching a girl on accident. Or is it the fact that this crap happened last year! I don't regret it, but this better not happen often.

“You ruined my uniform.”

Carol states with a disappointed voice.

“I'm sorry.”

I apologize, appearing slightly sincere.

“So, what happened in our classroom freaked you out too?”

Jovan asks even though he already knows the answer.

“Yeah, that's why I'm leaving. The walls in this school could break at any time.”

Carol replies, pretending to be cool about the situation.

“Makes perfect sense. You should definitely leave.”

I concur with Carol. I don't want her to get hurt by the alien. I know my last attack didn't take him down.

“Then, why aren't you leaving?”

“I have to do something.”

“Do what?”

Just as Carol asks that question, the Darkseid looking alien leaps all the way up to the broken window and strikes me with his bare fist. I'm quickly ejected through five walls as fast as a bullet and into an empty classroom. It happens so suddenly that Jovan doesn’t know how to react. Carol runs away with a horrified face.

The blue alien grabs Jovan by his neck and slams him to the ground, which cracks the floor and creates a small crater.

“Where is the Aquos Crystal?”

The Darkseid looking alien demands while holding Jovan's neck.

“The what?”

Jovan utters in his mind because he has no clue what the Aquos Crystal is. The blue alien watches as I sprint at the speed of sound through the damaged walls and attempt to punch it.  

Surprisingly, the Darkseid looking alien uppercuts me right in my jaw and propels me high in the sky. Now, It looks as if the blue alien created a skylight with his last attack.
“I’ll ask again. Where is the Aquos Crystal?”

The Darkseid looking alien holds Jovan’s neck in the air. Jovan keeps his mouth since he doesn't know what to say.

“I’m not going to tell you.”

Jovan asserts after a long pause.

“You don't know where it is.”

The blue alien easily determines from Jovan's scared expression. At the same time, I am descending past the clouds and down to the school with tears running down my face. I crash land into the school as destructive as a meteor. The damage is so catastrophic that the entire school gets cut in half straightaway and almost causes the third floor of the school to drop.

I end up on the first floor of the school, inside of a pit, and covered in large amounts of debris. What the hell was I thinking? I was right the first time. This is Doomsday. I close my eyes and remain in what seems like my grave.

Now, Jovan’s entire body is under a huge chunk of concrete with the blue alien staring at him in his pathetic state. Jovan’s eyes turned back to normal. Nonchalantly, the alien starts walking away.

“You’re just going to leave? After everything you’ve done?”

Jovan questions the Darkseid looking alien with a confused expression and a bitter voice while looking at the damage of the school.

“This all could have been prevented if you said that you didn’t know anything about the Aquos Crystal.”

The Darkseid looking alien says in response to Jovan’s question with absolutely no guiltiness in his voice.

“Damn it, this is bullshit! This can’t be our fault! We didn’t expect any of this!”

Jovan concludes in his head, feeling frustrated and hatred towards the blue alien. Out of nowhere, the ground, that Jovan is laying on, tears apart and begins dropping down to the first floor. He catches sight of the Darkseid looking alien who is about to jump out of Yamarashi High School.

“NO, I WON’T LET HIM GET AWAY!”

Jovan ferociously declares as his eyes magically change into blue eyes with black pupils. He hastily climbs up the pieces of concrete, which was laying on him, and springs up to the Darkseid looking alien. As soon as the alien’s feet leave the floor, Jovan seizes his leg and pulls him down with all of his strength.

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!”

Jovan screams because of the amount of effort he is putting in. Blue veins are even popping out from his left arm.

He vigorously slams the Darkseid looking alien down the second floor and instantly shatters the ground, causing both of them to plunge to the first floor along with several rocks. They unpleasantly land near my section of the first floor. Jovan painfully rises up while the blue alien simply stands back up like it didn’t receive a lot of damage.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Jovan declares, looking and sounding like a badass with his blue veins showing on both of his arms. The Darkseid looking alien just gives him a grin that practically says ‘I don’t take you seriously at all’. Jovan charges at the alien and persistently punches him in his stomach. It does no damage to him whatsoever.

The Darkseid looking alien returns with the same attack, a punch to the stomach. It hurts so much that Jovan immediately coughs up blood and flies into a pile of rubbish. Jovan rises up like there is no tomorrow and rushes at the blue alien. Instead of punching him, Jovan kicks the alien’s thigh, assuming that he would trip and fall to the floor.

The Darkseid looking alien easily stands his ground as if Jovan’s attack was weaker than a spider bite. Then, Jovan hops up to the blue alien and kicks his face, which forces the alien’s head to turn the other way. Soon after, the alien just grabs Jovan and knees him in his stomach, which causes Jovan to cough more blood out from his mouth.

Next, he tosses Jovan back into the detritus that causes dust to scatter throughout the area. When the dust clears, Jovan cracks his fingers and comes running towards the Darkseid looking alien.

“Seriously, kid, this is pointless.”

The blue alien speaks with boredom. Jovan makes a fist in his left hand, cocks his left arm back, and jabs the alien in his stomach again. The ground quakes after Jovan lands the blow and the alien chokes as if he is searching for oxygen.

Jovan then uppercuts the Darkseid looking alien’s chin, which sends him into the air at the pace of a balloon.

Jovan leaps up to the alien and gives him a long fist punch to its face, spins around him and delivers a backfist punch to its back, and finishes his combo by smashing his neck with both hands. The Darkseid looking alien drops like a stone and his fall produces a tiny crater in the ground.

“Something is different. Not too long ago, he only tried to evade my attacks. Now, he is striving to do attacks of his own.”

The Darkseid looking alien deduces from Jovan's actions. As Jovan descends to the ground, he attempts to kick the blue alien. The blue alien blocks Jovan’s kick with his left arm and bashes him hard to the floor with a left hook. Just as Jovan rises up, the Darkseid looking alien grips onto his neck and examines his eyes.

“That's what changed. Your pupils were white earlier. Now, they're black. Your blue eyes separately give you enhanced reflexes and enhanced combat.”

The Darkseid looking alien surmises from recalling Jovan's past actions.

“This alien figured out my power before I did.”

Jovan gathers from the blue alien's sentence, feeling irked. Without warning, the Darkseid looking alien slams Jovan's head on the wall and that results in Jovan going unconscious and multiple rocks plummeting down to the first floor.

“On to the next one.”

The blue alien utters as he ambles out of the school. In a flash of light, he gets knocked to the ground as if wind attacked him.

The hit does so much destruction that some of the school plunges down in the process, leaving only one half-demolished building that is still standing. The Darkseid looking alien rises to his feet and turns around to see who hit him. He doesn't see anyone.

“It was me.”

I announce with an earnest voice and grim expression on my face. My position is in front of the blue alien. I'm such a coward. Didn't I tell myself to accept reality? I gave up on my life twice while Jovan was still fighting for his. Am I really going to be that type of person?

“You really want to do this? You'll just be wasting my time.”

The blue alien speaks with a feeling of annoyance.

“You're the one who came here and tore our school down and now, I’M wasting YOUR time?”

I respond with an irritated tone.

“That's because I thought you knew where the Aquos Crystal was.”

Aquos Crystal? This is the first time that I'm hearing about it. This alien really destroyed this school because of a damn guess?

“You clearly don't, so get out of my way and you won't get any more hurt than you already are.”

The Darkseid looking alien orders and saunters toward me. No, this alien has done too much. And, I've done too little.

He scared the crap out of my friends. He demolished this school and beat up Jovan. I can't guarantee that I'll defeat this guy, but I can guarantee two things. One, if I have a chance against this Darkseid clone, my fear has to disappear. Two, from this point on…

MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

Instantly, I hurtle at the blue alien and punch him in his stomach. The power of my punch pushes him fly through two walls, which causes some of the second floor to fall down on him.

It occurred so quick that it looked as if I manipulated gravity to have part of the second floor drop on the alien. Damn, I'm powerful. Still, the Darkseid looking alien stands up and casually walks out of the debris surrounding him.

“Okay, you chose to do this.”

The blue alien takes a small pill out of his pocket. He presses on the pill and it automatically changes into a high-tech gun.

“That's a big gun!”

I comment because the weapon is the size of a missile launcher.

“And, it matches your skin color.”

I taunt the blue alien on purpose. He aims the gun at me and fires a blue laser beam. In a flash, I dart away from it, however a sudden explosion, that looks similar to a blue sunset, blasts me away. The explosion happened as soon as the laser beam touched the ground.

The explosion is so destructive that one-third of the building gets disintegrated. It also disintegrated my two button blazer and short sleeve dress shirt, leaving me shirtless.  I tumble into a bundle of school desks. God, I swear this is the most pain I ever went through.

“What the deuce, Darkseid!”

I react to the demolition of the school building.

“That’s not my name and I don’t see a problem. The school was already a wreckage.”

“Yeah, but there’s no need to make the school look like a bombing incident! You just said that you’re done here!”

“I am only here because you insist on getting my way.”

“Oh, then let me get out your way.”

I sprint toward the Darkseid looking alien like a breeze of wind. I don’t realize it, still there is air gathering around my right arm as I run towards him. At warp speed, I deal a strong blow to the blue alien’s stomach with my right arm. The blue alien whirls out of the school in an uncontrollable manner as soon as my fist leaves his stomach.

“I hope that finished him off.”

I start to fall unconscious as the entire school eventually crumbles to the ground. I wanted to last longer than this. What a disappointment. I shut my eyes and lay my body on the floor. Meanwhile, the Darkseid looking man painfully rises up inside a giant construction site with a big castle.

“I can't believe those kids actually hurt me.”

“I can’t either.”

He looks up and sees a black fat man in the air. The man assertively lands on the ground, which makes the earth shake and spreads sand out in the air.

“It’s you, Tamba Sankoh.”

The Darkseid looking man confirms while the sand clears.

“You're here for the Aquos Crystal, correct.”

“Exactly, but I don’t think you’re familiar with my organization. My name is Bane Everbleed.”

“I don’t care what your name is.”

Tamba retorts as he stomps toward Bane. Each step he takes puts a tiny hole in the ground.

“Did I already strike a nerve?”

“You are the same as everyone else. Thirsty for power and will stop anyone who gets in your way. You’ve hurt my sons and nearly involved innocent people. Your reasoning doesn’t change any of that.”

Tamba infuriatingly states.

“You’re assuming that I’m doing all of this for evil.”

“What else could you possibly call this?”

Tamba asks, sounding rhetorical.

“Something a superhuman wouldn’t understand.”

“But, the alien, who just invaded this planet, does? You have an ignorant view of good and evil. You can’t do evil and still expect to be good just because of your motives.”

“You have a bad habit of judging people on little facts.”

“I’m not judging you based on little facts. I have experience with people who had the same intentions as you. The only difference is that you sound less greedy and selfish. But, I don’t see why I should use that as a reason to avoid beating the shit out of you.”

Tamba and Bane’s argument ends as they stand towards each other face to face. They punch each other’s fist without warning. It instantly produces an extreme gust of sand and causes an earthquake around them. Tamba easily overpowers him and sends him into an unfinished building and past the door.

Bane attempts to stand up, but fails. He moves his right arm around and quickly realizes that the wrist of his right hand is broken. Still, Tamba instantly hits him further into the building and busts through several empty rooms.

As Bane continues to get up, Tamba repeatedly knocks him through walls and doesn’t give him a chance to respond. It’s almost as if Tamba’s hands are magnets and Bane’s body is iron. Every time Tamba hits Bane, a piece of Bane’s armor cracks open and green blood comes out of him. The building appears wrecked from the inside, but not from the outside.

“Come on, alien, I was expecting you to, at least, fight back.”

Tamba strives to smash Bane again. Until, Bane momentarily dodges Tamba’s punch

“My name is BANE.”

Bane uppercuts him up four floors with his left hand. Then, he soars up to Tamba like a missile, disregarding the four walls he broke through.

“EVERBLEED.”

Then, Bane pounds him back down to the first floor with a punch, that had the impact of a cannon, which causes four tiers of the castle to collapse and fall to pieces. Some of the pillars also break apart and fall on Bane as he returns to the ground.

A mountain of debris practically caves in Tamba and Bane. Even after all of that destruction, the castle still somehow looks okay from the outside.

Bane slowly gets out of the detritus and checks the area for Tamba. Out of nowhere, a black hand seizes Bane’s neck and hurls him out of the castle like a catapult.

“Didn't I say that I don't care what your name.”

Tamba points out as he walks out of the castle.

“You don't have to care about my first name. However, you WILL care about my last.”

Tamba displays a ridiculous expression and squints his left eye after Bane’s sentence. Bane takes out one tiny pill from his pocket and squeezes it. It automatically transforms into steel blue gloves that has the design of computer grid matrix technology.

He wears it on his left hand and rushes toward Tamba, but Tamba pounds the ground, which generates an earth tremor and sandstorm as a cover at the same time. Bane is tripped up by the earthquake and blown away by the sandstorm.

All of the sand swirls up to the sky and plunges to the ground like rain. When Bane gets up, he doesn't spot Tamba anywhere. But when he looks up, Tamba strikes him straightaway from above and takes the both of them underground.

 

They create tunnels as they wildly roll in the earth. Meerkats stare at them as they go further down. Tamba and Bane end up in a cavern, that is filled with diamonds.

“Really?”

Tamba reacts to the fact that there are diamonds.

“Oh, are these shiny stones called diamonds?”

“No, they're diamonds.”

Tamba facetiously answers and hits Bane hard into a wall. Because of that, several pebbles descend and cover the tunnels that they dug through. Bane counterattacks with a bash to Tamba’s stomach, which compels Tamba to spit out blood and slam into a wall so painful that it creates an imprint of his body on the wall.

Once more, Tamba and Bane stand in front of each other as both of them are sweating profusely. One rock drops to the earth. And, they immediately start exchanging blows. They don't flinch and they barely move their feet.

Every one of their punches either makes a dent on their body or forces blood out of their body and causes the rocks around them to instantly shatter as they fall. It is like an intense boxing match, except Bane is only fighting with his left arm, so Tamba is getting more hits on him.

Bane delivers a left overhand to Tamba’s head, then Tamba immediately follows with a bolo punch to Bane’s chin.

 

Next, Tamba unpredictably uppercuts Bane with all of his might. Tamba’s uppercut was so powerful that it broke most of Bane’s armor and sent him up through the rocks, creating another tunnel, and back to the surface. Afterwards, it looks as if Tamba is about to be buried alive by the earth. Meantime, Bane stands up at a snail's pace from Tamba’s last strike.

“I can't defeat him. I am too badly hurt. I need to retreat.”

Bane accepts as his body is completely bruised. On his chest, there are a few spots that look gray and rotten. It’s as if some of his skin turned to ash. Just as he sees the exit, he scurries toward it. Suddenly, a heavy duty conveyor system magically appears in front of him.

“When did this get here?”

Bane goes around the conveyor system and hurries to the exit. However, a few I-beams pop up in front of him as well. Bane ignores them and keeps moving ahead. But before his very eyes, a sizable amount of land materializes and expands the space of the construction site. The area now looks more like a desert than a construction site.

“What is going on?”

Bane tries to process what is happening. Like a ninja, Tamba sneaks behind him and clobbers him with an I-beam. Tamba’s surprise attack propels Bane up to the conveyor system, which explodes upon contact.

“He is done.”

Tamba declares and drops the I-beam, feeling exhausted as he watches the colossal, sand-blowing, and life-changing explosion. The explosion disintegrates the rest of the castle and covers half of the construction area. Tamba is inside of the explosion, yet he stands his ground and takes the pain.

In time, the explosion clears, leaving sand, dust, and the remains of the castle in the air. Bane comes down to the floor, unconscious and officially defeated. Tamba takes out a strange earpiece and puts it on his left ear.

“Hey.”

He talks through the earpiece.

“Yeah?”

An unknown female voice responds.

“I defeated the alien.”

Tamba confirms while looking at Bane.

“Good, I can finally relax. Even if it’s for a short period of time. What do you think his motive was?”

“Obviously, to get the Aquos Crystal. He goes by the name, Bane Everbleed. Have you heard of him?”

“No, still his last name rings a bell. I wonder why he attacked your sons first.”

“He probably had technology that allowed him to spot out the superhumans. He came prepared. More specifically, he came prepared to fight me. He had special gloves that rivaled my strength. If he didn’t already receive injuries from Javon and Jovan, that battle would have been a lot more difficult. How are Javon and Jovan?”

“They were taken to the hospital. Their hearts were still beating, so I think they will be fine.”

“You have a bizarre meaning of the word ‘fine’. Speaking of ‘fine’, the school isn’t.”

Tamba adds on purpose.
“I can rebuild it in a month and a half.”

“That quick?”

“Yes.”

The unknown voice assertively answers.

“Alright, good luck with that. But, about Bane, I need you to do something.”

Tamba earnestly requests from the unknown person while looking at the construction site exit.

“Where am I?”

I wonder as I wake up in a bed with my eyes half-open.

“In the hospital.”

I turn left and see Jovan also in the bed across from mine.

“Oh. Wait, what about the Darkseid looking guy?!”

I try to get out of my bed.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

I scream as my body feels extreme pain. It hurts just to move my arm!

“Calm down. When you were knocked out, I was watching the news and they didn’t report any more destruction.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?!”

“I wanted to see if your struggle was real.”

Jovan intentionally lies.

“I wouldn’t be in here if it wasn’t!”

“So, I guess you didn’t beat the Darkseid looking guy.”

Jovan immediately gets serious.

“No, I didn’t.”

I pout my head.

“Then, that alien is still out there somewhere.”

Jovan presumes while his eyes somehow turn blue.

“Your eyes are blue.”

“They're blue? Oh, well that explains my vision right now.”

“And, now that I get a good look at them, your pupils are white.”

“When my eyes are like this, I see things differently and knowledge fills in my head. My senses are increased. I can’t explain it.”

Jovan amazes himself and lays back down on his bed. His eyes also turn back to normal.

“Damn, that sounds nothing like the eyes I’ve heard of.”

“What eyes have you heard of?”

“Sharingan, Byakugan, Rinnegan, Geass, and Shinigami Eyes.”

“All of those are from anime, so they don’t exist. Anyway, how long did you last after I fell unconscious?”

“Honestly, I didn't last long.”

“Oh, I wonder how we're going to explain all of this to Dad.”

“Same here.”

At the same time, several cops are inspecting the remains of Yamarashi High School.

“Commissioner Ivy, we found something.”

A black police officer confirms as they spot a weird looking gun. A police woman walks over to them and sees it.

“Good work, Superintendent Smith.”

The commissioner stares at it and all of the sudden, she nearly faints.

“Commissioner Ivy, are you okay?!”

“I'm fine. Bring it into the police station.”

She orders as she quickly recovers. A couple of the police officers pick up the gun and put it in a police car.

Discussion (9)

  1. Profile photo of Ayumi Megumi
    Ayumi Megumi

    Two words: EPIC FIGHT! Well, I’m expecting more since this is like the first fight and I’m sensing fullblown war later in this series, but overall this chapter was great. The cliches were obvious but it doesn’t become a negative point on how you use it. For me anyway. Nothing sad and I’m seeing a lot of potential if you don’t over doit in the later parts.

      1. Profile photo of Ayumi Megumi
        Ayumi Megumi

        Well, I have the same opinion as A.C. about the narrations and the transitions were just too fast for me but that’s been discussed and I guess I got too engrossed in the story after I got used to how you write so I wasn’t able to notice any bad points. Oh yeah, I just noticed how there isn’t even a single space in between lines this chapter. Even if you just put the spacing hnever you change perspectives or scenes would help in noticing transitions. That’s all.

  2. Profile photo of The A.C.
    The A.C.

    I liked it, but there are inconsistencies with your first person and third person point of view as far as narrating. IT really should stay in one-point of view for the most part, even though going off to a side scene every so often does work when done right (which I felt you almost was able to do fine at the end of the chapter). Also grammatically when using numbers to state quantity, they should be spelled out. Besides that, the fight and story were great. One more point, that is more of a personal opinion, is that all the humor from first chapter seems to have almost completely disappear, and it more be nice to have a little more back in this chapter in some way. I know this is suppose to be a serious, but the humor was done so well in the first chapter that I thought more in this chapter could be done without taking anything away the epicness from the fight.

    1. Profile photo of Javon Sankoh
      Javon Sankoh Post author

      I thought about it and you are absolutely right. I wasn’t consistent with the comedy and I will try to improve on that. The thing is I’m the type of guy that hates talking in a serious battle. But, I do see what you mean on the comedy. The reason I switch between first person and third person is because the main character is not always going to be in every scene and it adds more drama since the main character won’t know about certain things. Please let me how I can improve on switching perspectives. Thank for reading this chapter. Just as I thought, your opinion is very helpful.

      1. Profile photo of The A.C.
        The A.C.

        I agree with not having much talking in serious battles, even though little one liners could work well with the type of humor the characters seem to have (kind of like smart aleck but still serious about it). As far as perspectives it is tricky; I have to be super careful with being consistent. One good way is to have the main character hear things from third-party characters, such as watching the news or over hearing other witnesses. The separate side scenes work fine though (even if the perspective changes), so having natural transitions into those work great with this kind of story.

        1. Profile photo of Javon Sankoh
          Javon Sankoh Post author

          Actually, that makes sense with my characters since they are cocky. I will consider adding lines to the battle so it could be more funny. Could you still comprehend what was going on even when the perspective changed? Like, how was the way I did it?

          1. Profile photo of The A.C.
            The A.C.

            Oh yeah I still understood everything that was going on fine. The only thing that really threw me off for a slight second was when he first went unconscious at the line “I immediately fall unconscious to the ground. However, right before I drop to the floor, I hear someone’s voice.” I understood that the next line he heard, but it keep going on until he woke up in the hospital, so I was not sure, at first, if he saw the rest of the fight then completely went unconscious or if he was unconscious right after he heard the next line. So overall the way you are doing is working great to a point, I guess it is just the transitions with the perspectives that are key to really nailing this writing style.

Discussion (9)

  1. Profile photo of Ayumi Megumi
    Ayumi Megumi

    Two words: EPIC FIGHT! Well, I’m expecting more since this is like the first fight and I’m sensing fullblown war later in this series, but overall this chapter was great. The cliches were obvious but it doesn’t become a negative point on how you use it. For me anyway. Nothing sad and I’m seeing a lot of potential if you don’t over doit in the later parts.

      1. Profile photo of Ayumi Megumi
        Ayumi Megumi

        Well, I have the same opinion as A.C. about the narrations and the transitions were just too fast for me but that’s been discussed and I guess I got too engrossed in the story after I got used to how you write so I wasn’t able to notice any bad points. Oh yeah, I just noticed how there isn’t even a single space in between lines this chapter. Even if you just put the spacing hnever you change perspectives or scenes would help in noticing transitions. That’s all.

  2. Profile photo of The A.C.
    The A.C.

    I liked it, but there are inconsistencies with your first person and third person point of view as far as narrating. IT really should stay in one-point of view for the most part, even though going off to a side scene every so often does work when done right (which I felt you almost was able to do fine at the end of the chapter). Also grammatically when using numbers to state quantity, they should be spelled out. Besides that, the fight and story were great. One more point, that is more of a personal opinion, is that all the humor from first chapter seems to have almost completely disappear, and it more be nice to have a little more back in this chapter in some way. I know this is suppose to be a serious, but the humor was done so well in the first chapter that I thought more in this chapter could be done without taking anything away the epicness from the fight.

    1. Profile photo of Javon Sankoh
      Javon Sankoh Post author

      I thought about it and you are absolutely right. I wasn’t consistent with the comedy and I will try to improve on that. The thing is I’m the type of guy that hates talking in a serious battle. But, I do see what you mean on the comedy. The reason I switch between first person and third person is because the main character is not always going to be in every scene and it adds more drama since the main character won’t know about certain things. Please let me how I can improve on switching perspectives. Thank for reading this chapter. Just as I thought, your opinion is very helpful.

      1. Profile photo of The A.C.
        The A.C.

        I agree with not having much talking in serious battles, even though little one liners could work well with the type of humor the characters seem to have (kind of like smart aleck but still serious about it). As far as perspectives it is tricky; I have to be super careful with being consistent. One good way is to have the main character hear things from third-party characters, such as watching the news or over hearing other witnesses. The separate side scenes work fine though (even if the perspective changes), so having natural transitions into those work great with this kind of story.

        1. Profile photo of Javon Sankoh
          Javon Sankoh Post author

          Actually, that makes sense with my characters since they are cocky. I will consider adding lines to the battle so it could be more funny. Could you still comprehend what was going on even when the perspective changed? Like, how was the way I did it?

          1. Profile photo of The A.C.
            The A.C.

            Oh yeah I still understood everything that was going on fine. The only thing that really threw me off for a slight second was when he first went unconscious at the line “I immediately fall unconscious to the ground. However, right before I drop to the floor, I hear someone’s voice.” I understood that the next line he heard, but it keep going on until he woke up in the hospital, so I was not sure, at first, if he saw the rest of the fight then completely went unconscious or if he was unconscious right after he heard the next line. So overall the way you are doing is working great to a point, I guess it is just the transitions with the perspectives that are key to really nailing this writing style.