Cataclysm Ch 1

Cataclysm shows no mercy as the strong pulverizes the weak.

 

With the forbidding shouts from the crowd filling his ears, he felt the pressure of the sound waves force his feet into the ground. His heart was beating faster than any of the horses within the field and was rapidly becoming the only sound he could hear. 'This is just a steppingstone.' He muttered a few words to calm his nerves; as his hands clenched the warm, slick, handles of his weapons, he gritted his teeth in preparation for the next battle. His eyes were fixated on the battlefield. A battlefield quickly fading into a suffocating darkness.

 

As he opened his eyes from a terrifying dream, he jolted up with a gasp. He started to check whether he was still dreaming or had returned to reality. After differentiating the two, he then sat back on his comfy bed. His vision was still blurry; he wasn't able to move around, comfortably.

 

He blinked a few times before his, sky-blue and bloodshot, eyes shifted in different directions in order to observe his surroundings. As his eyes landed on the clock that was placed on the bedside table, he sighed in relief, the time was only 7:32 in the morning. He still had plenty of time before the game event.

 

After a few seconds, he got off his bed to take a shower in the bathroom. He turned the showerhead on and ran his fingers through his thin, white hair to let the water pass through.

 

When he got out of the bathroom, he walked over to his closet and grabbed a red and black hoodie, a white T-shirt, black jeans, and a pair of black sneakers.

 

He slumped on his chair, turned his PC on, and wore his pair of headphones in order to get ready for a blitz. While he was playing an RPG, he quickly made a plan to clear the zone by defeating the boss.

 

"Breakfast is ready! Alexander, have you already prepared the things you'll need for the camp?!" A loud voice muffled through his headphones despite the maximum volume.

 

'I can't believe I have to deal with crap.' He thought in a grumpy manner. Fortunately, he didn't let his inner thoughts come out of his mouth. He took his headphones off and grumpily prepared the things he needed for the camp with his face all sulky.

 

"Alex, breakfast's getting cold! Hurry up!" A loud voice once again resounded when Alexander was already done packing his clothes in his luggage. Without replying, he went out of his room and walked downstairs.

 

"Are you ready?" A woman, almost twice his age, reassuringly asked Alex as soon as he arrived.

 

"Morning-" Alex suddenly paused as he thought of something but set it aside aside.

 

Noticing the silence he hurriedly continued. "Ah, yes, I have already prepared everything. But, you do know that this isn't really my thing… right? I don’t like these stuff."

 

"Then even more so!" His mother quickly retorted. Alexander’s mouth twitched as he heard these words.

 

Alexander wasn't able to refute, so he silently walked towards the dining table. He sat on the chair and ate his breakfast. After he finished his meal, he lay down on the couch and plugged his earphones in while waiting for the bus to come. After a few songs had finished playing, the bus finally arrived to pick him up and so was the time to leave his collections in his room.

 

"Bye, mom," he bid his farewells nonchalantly as he stepped out of the house. Alexander walked only in a short distance before getting into the bus. While boarding in, Alex noticed that the people he would be riding with were all complete strangers. But he didn't care about it, he wanted everything to be done as soon as possible. Alexander was lucky enough to actually spot a seat that was just near the bus' window, located at the very back. He awkwardly moved through the narrow space before slumping on the seat and sighed in relief as he placed his bag beside him.

 

Lulled by the rocking vehicle, Alex eventually fell into the pits of drowsiness. He would yawn from time to time till he unconsciously slept and leaned over the windowpane. The bus just kept travelling on the pavement; after some time, Alex woke up to check the time.

 

9:42 AM

 

Alex wondered why it wasn't changing, even though the sun was about to set behind the horizon. But that simple wonder for the unchanging time didn't stop there, he was quite surprised that the bus had become a wooden carriage! The passengers, who once wore simple modernistic clothes, were clad in medieval styled clothes.

 

Hundreds of questions started to cross through Alexander's mind.

 

‘Was I abducted? If I were, then I wouldn't have been this free.

 

Where is the bus? What happened to the bus?!

 

What happened while I was asleep?’

 

Alexander couldn't make any sense out of all the questions he pondered over. A voice suddenly resounded within the travelling wagon.

 

"Welcome to the City of San Diego!"

One of the individuals said as the carriage entered an unknown city.

 

'Well… at least I can understand them.' Alex thought as he leaned over his seat and crossed his arms together.

 

"Hey!" A voice suddenly vociferated, interrupting the silent running wagon on the pavement.

 

Alexander's head immediately looked at the aggravated man, with a dubious expression plastering his face. 'What did I even do?' Alex wondered.

 

"My girlfriend was talking to you. At least give her some face and don’t ignore her!" The guy was about to stand and approach Alexander.

 

Every passenger watched at the scene with so much anticipation, as if they were expecting an interesting fight between the two. Fortunately, a young lady immediately stopped the aggravated man. The anticipating crowd looked away when they realized that there would be no action going on. The girl just awkwardly smiled at Alex and bowed apologetically and the latter just impassively nodded. Still quite confused and in the state of wonder, Alexander just leaned back and looked through window.

 

City of San Diego.

 

Ranges of buildings stood at each side of the road; people walked around in certain areas within the city. Alex was forced to come to a conclusion that he travelled through space and time. He wasn't sure with his theory, but he had to be gingerly observing around to get some information in this new place.

 

Alexander's head softly flicked towards the passengers walking out of the carriage, as he realized that it stopped moving. He immediately clambered out with his luggage and cluelessly entered the same building as the others headed to. Looking around the place, Alexander immediately knew that he was inside a medieval style inn.

 

A woman suddenly approached Alexander and smile at him warmly. She studied his features, gracefully tilted her head, and touched her face. "My, my. I haven't seen you around here before. Are you new here?" She asked.

Alexander just nodded and glanced at the writings on the board. 'It seems like I can only understand what they are saying.'

 

"Are you looking for a place to stay?" The woman asked politely as she looked at Alex.

 

“Yes, I am." Alex replied uneasily. It was quite hard for him to communicate to strangers since he found it difficult to handle. "Are you the innkeeper?" Alex asked as he looked at the woman.

 

"Yes. So, please do follow me. I'll guide your way towards your room." The woman said as she walked in a graceful manner. Alex just silently followed her within the halls.

 

"The thing is that I don’t have money so…," Alex scratched his nape as he gave the innkeeper an awkward look.

 

"Heh..." The woman intently took a closer look at the young man, "You're quite looker, aren't ya?" She mumbled as she mischievously smiled and looked at Alex. "You can stay here for free." The woman declared.

 

Alex just looked at the innkeeper with mixed emotions, "What--"

 

"But, there's only one condition." She said as she walked around Alex, while tapping her fan softly against her palm. Alex just gave her a look which clearly says ‘Oh’. "You can stay here for free, but in exchange, you have to work for me. You will be the one in charge once I'm not around. Are you okay with that condition?" She reassured as she faced at him intently.

 

"Sure, if that is what you say.” Alex answered as it is beneficial to him, why waste the opportunity?

 

The innkeeper threw a key towards Alex, "What's your name?"

 

Alex caught the key, looked at it, and replied, "It's Alexander, but you can call me Alex."

"Upstairs,  last room to the left." The innkeeper clicked her tongue as she gave the information. Alex just nodded and ran up to the stairs. He was unable to hide his embarrassment as he swiftly ran in the hallways towards his room.

 

When he finally entered his room while panting, he immediately threw his luggage on the bed and started unpacking. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and turned it on; unexpectedly, the screen would glitch every few seconds. Unsure of what to do, he placed his phone on a safe place and plopped on his bed. He didn't care what kind of room he was currently living in. Before he could even try to take in the events that had happened, a game panel suddenly popped in his vision. It said: “You were chosen. What is your role in the cycle of life and death? Are you the shadow? The sword? Or the eagle?”

 

"Is this a game panel? Am I in a game right now?" Alex bawled nervously. He was unable to keep his calm composure, so he walked back and forth around the room in order to gather his thoughts.

'I need to find my way back home. I have to be alive before then and start to increase all my chances of surviving this place.' Alex planned as he tapped his foot on the ground. "Calm down. Choose wisely, Alex." He said to himself.

 

Alex just kept on pondering over as he shifted his eyes from top to bottom. After a few moments of reconsiderations, he slowly regained his composure and chose to be the shadow, as he doesn’t want to stand out. Another game panel appeared and it said: “Your strength has increased by 7 points, agility by 10 and spirit by 5. You have the Passive ability, Blur. And a hidden skill.

 

After a few seconds, the notification panel faded away from his screen. A book then appeared out of thin air and fell on the ground. Alex picked up the book and checked the title–SOL. He cautiously opened the book and scoured every word seriously. The book contained the rules in being a Harbinger and some information about the world he is currently in: its geographic history, history and language.

 

After reading, Alex lay back on his bed and sighed. He analyzed through all the events that had happened within the day.

'It has been a long day. So this is really not a dream, huh.' He thought as he clenched his fist slightly and then he closed his eyes.

Tags: fantasy

Discussion (8)

        1. Noobelist Post author

          And also this would be a unique case of “travelling to another world/game” genre. But that would be for the later part of the story.

          I guarantee that it is unlike any other “travelling to another world/game” genre

  1. Justice

    To start off: I’m a harsh critic for the sake of improving writers so please don’t take what I have to say personal.

    To start off, there is an extreme lack of excitement while reading this entry to a new story universe. I actually like the ‘summoned to another world/game’ genre so I’ll admit to having an unfairly high expectation. I’m still high off watching the first episodes of ‘Rise of the Shield Hero’. I’m a big fan if you can’t already tell.
    I could not connect with Alex as a character or feel for his situation. No crisis is present either in his homeworld or in the new world he finds himself in. That is vital to introduce right from the start to catch the reader’s attention. To make them want to read more.

    I suggest cooking up something that demands Alex do everything he can to get back home. Mother’s health, pending love confession, etc. Something to give the character purpose so the reader can latch on to right away and support as the character moves forward. If this is not a story where the main character wants to go back home, then give a reaction of utter joy of being found in a situation where his fantasy has come to life. Depending on if you want to add humor, the world can be nothing like he was expecting.
    With what is written now, Alex is just here in this unusual situation and reacts with a standard set of confusion and fear. Now, if he had a nervous breakdown that would be more compelling. There isn’t much to go off of with this new world to invest interest in. You’ve laid out the canvas and started painting with basic colors but there isn’t enough here for me to picture what you are painting.

    I don’t know how old Alex is or what he looks like. What is the condition of his home? Rich or poor? Is his room a mess or is he a neat freak that he has to have the floor rug perfectly aligned? Having personality quarks makes a character much more interesting. I’m just making stuff off the fly to fill in the gaps since Alex is devoid of characterization. One of the best parts of any RPG is building up your character. Even if you went by calling Alex a rogue, a tank, an attacker, a healer, an assassin as he plays that RPG game from the opening, I as a reader can piece together more of his personality. You could say he wishes to be or is so much like his avatar in the game and by having that, can hint to what a reader an expect.

    No details of the fantasy world other then a medieval styled inn. Going off of just that makes the fantasy world uninteresting. You could say that the air is so much cleaner or since Alex is from San Diego, have a city boy react with culture shock to suddenly finding himself in the countryside . A lot of that can be comedy gold!
    Anyway, you have to introduce a problem or meaningful conflict to justify why Alex was dispatched to another world. Is there a demon lord running amok? Was a resident of this fantasy world so lonely to summon a person from another world as a companion/familiar? You could say that another character, (I would go with a female) summoned him and is watching him from the sidelines/shadows to see if the person she summoned is not a villain.

    At the time of this review I have not read your other chapters. The other entries might alleviate my concerns but for a first chapter this is not a catcher for readers to continue. Perhaps a prologue with heavy action or a deeply connected emotional event will set this chapter up a bit more.

    1. Noobelist Post author

      Okay, so first of all. Any kind of critic is welcome. That is, of course, because I am struggling to improve. All your critics made sense and it helped me broaden my horizons a bit.

      I’m currently thinking of actually making a prologue and thank you for actually taking the time to read this.

Discussion (8)

        1. Noobelist Post author

          And also this would be a unique case of “travelling to another world/game” genre. But that would be for the later part of the story.

          I guarantee that it is unlike any other “travelling to another world/game” genre

  1. Justice

    To start off: I’m a harsh critic for the sake of improving writers so please don’t take what I have to say personal.

    To start off, there is an extreme lack of excitement while reading this entry to a new story universe. I actually like the ‘summoned to another world/game’ genre so I’ll admit to having an unfairly high expectation. I’m still high off watching the first episodes of ‘Rise of the Shield Hero’. I’m a big fan if you can’t already tell.
    I could not connect with Alex as a character or feel for his situation. No crisis is present either in his homeworld or in the new world he finds himself in. That is vital to introduce right from the start to catch the reader’s attention. To make them want to read more.

    I suggest cooking up something that demands Alex do everything he can to get back home. Mother’s health, pending love confession, etc. Something to give the character purpose so the reader can latch on to right away and support as the character moves forward. If this is not a story where the main character wants to go back home, then give a reaction of utter joy of being found in a situation where his fantasy has come to life. Depending on if you want to add humor, the world can be nothing like he was expecting.
    With what is written now, Alex is just here in this unusual situation and reacts with a standard set of confusion and fear. Now, if he had a nervous breakdown that would be more compelling. There isn’t much to go off of with this new world to invest interest in. You’ve laid out the canvas and started painting with basic colors but there isn’t enough here for me to picture what you are painting.

    I don’t know how old Alex is or what he looks like. What is the condition of his home? Rich or poor? Is his room a mess or is he a neat freak that he has to have the floor rug perfectly aligned? Having personality quarks makes a character much more interesting. I’m just making stuff off the fly to fill in the gaps since Alex is devoid of characterization. One of the best parts of any RPG is building up your character. Even if you went by calling Alex a rogue, a tank, an attacker, a healer, an assassin as he plays that RPG game from the opening, I as a reader can piece together more of his personality. You could say he wishes to be or is so much like his avatar in the game and by having that, can hint to what a reader an expect.

    No details of the fantasy world other then a medieval styled inn. Going off of just that makes the fantasy world uninteresting. You could say that the air is so much cleaner or since Alex is from San Diego, have a city boy react with culture shock to suddenly finding himself in the countryside . A lot of that can be comedy gold!
    Anyway, you have to introduce a problem or meaningful conflict to justify why Alex was dispatched to another world. Is there a demon lord running amok? Was a resident of this fantasy world so lonely to summon a person from another world as a companion/familiar? You could say that another character, (I would go with a female) summoned him and is watching him from the sidelines/shadows to see if the person she summoned is not a villain.

    At the time of this review I have not read your other chapters. The other entries might alleviate my concerns but for a first chapter this is not a catcher for readers to continue. Perhaps a prologue with heavy action or a deeply connected emotional event will set this chapter up a bit more.

    1. Noobelist Post author

      Okay, so first of all. Any kind of critic is welcome. That is, of course, because I am struggling to improve. All your critics made sense and it helped me broaden my horizons a bit.

      I’m currently thinking of actually making a prologue and thank you for actually taking the time to read this.