This group is for writers and readers. If you are writing or have written stories you want to share with the VicsLab.com community, you can add your stories to this group. Or if you want to read a story and give feedback, you can join the conversation. Members also can create and comment via forum topics to discuss certain aspects of the stories, such as characters, plot, theme, style, and setting.

If you already have a story on your profile page under your “Stories” tab, you can add that story to the group by selecting the document and then selecting “associated groups.” There you can select this group so it can be seen here. Please select “logged-in users” for your story’s privacy settings if you don’t want non-members to view it. Also, please select “Doc author only” under editing privileges if you don’t want others to edit your work (i.e., make changes to your story).

Full Bloom: The Beginning

We live in a world, where powers of all kinds are as normal as breathing, sleeping or even walking. These powers are boren in humans through strong emotions, as a proof for their desire, hate, love or other things that let strong emotions awake inside a human. These powers have always been known as Awakened Materialized Strong Energetic Emotional Desires, or short, AM-SEED and the people wielding these powers are known as “Blume”, meaning Flower. And the government responsible for affairs including Blumen. Is known as Garden.

Return of Skadi


"one year after, that a single student of the best middleschool in the country, went on a devastating rampage against a Boys only Church Academy of 4000 students, 150 teachers and 400 other staff members. In the rampage, over 1200 people were killed and the island the church academy was placed on, was frozen solid, never to be set an foot on again."

“ A new school year has just begun at the Saint Knight school, one of fifteen highschools educating young crusade knights, in the country Vanatic.”

“A conversation in the back of classroom 1-A”

Random male student 1: it's today isn't it?

Random male student 2: yes, "he", will return, i bet he will show up at the welcome speech.

Random female student 1: are they really gonna realease him? After all he did? They must be crazy, it's only been a year since he destroyed the church academy.

Random male student 1: but was there not a rumor about the church academy kidnapping and abusing girls from the nearby academies? And that he only destroyed the whole island because a friend of his, became victim to the church.

Random female student 1: as you said, that was only a rumor. I bet he made it up himself, to have a reason to destroy the academy, after all he is just a crazy psychopath.

“Suddenly the newly transffered school beauty among the the first years, approaches the three students in the back of the classroom”.

“Wearing the red and white school uniform of blazer, knee-long skirt and a green tie representing the first years. With blonde hair more sparkling than gold. Blue eyes, like the clear sky. And natural red lips, like a ripe apple. And also wielder of the name of a goddess”.

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): excuse me, i am very sorry for overhearing your conversation, but since i have only been living here in the city for two months, i may have heard about the incident, but not about "him", who is it that you speak of?

Random female student 1: Lady Athena, you do not have to be sorry about anything, we are sorry for discussing such a topic here in class. Uhm you see, the person we speak of, the person that created the frozen island, is a person who as you, has been given the name of a God because of his control of immense powers, the person we speak of, goes under the godly name "Skadi". And he will be set free of prison today, and will afterwards, join our Highschool as student.  

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): and why was he, after freezing a whole island and killing over a thousand people, only imprisoned for one year?

Random male student 2: we do not know, or rather, no one knows, when someone asks the teachers or other adults, they either say that they do not know or that the duration of his Punishment was decided by Garden.

“Suddenly someone pops up behind Athena”

”turning around she sees a boy, not wearing the standard white shirt under the blazer, no tie at all, and a belt including small item pockets. Short, light brown, standing up hair. Emerald green, cat like eyes. And a not-to-be-trusted smirky smile.”

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): what do i hear, with my little ear. The icy queen of war shows interest in another student?

The three random students: uhm... ya.... Lady Athena, we... uhm... have to go now. Goodbyeeeeeee...

”Ratatoskr silent giggles for a short moment as the three fast ran out the classroom”

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): huh, what is up with them?

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): beats me, and who are you calling icy war queen? And who are you anyways?

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): Pardon me, milady Athena, my name is Eran Edelrose, i am part of the school newsletter team, my job is to collect any information possible, so i might be able to help you out.

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): you will not be doing this for free, will you?

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): “impressed whistle”, No surprise you got the name of Athena, you catch on to things fast. Your right, i follow the rule of “give and take”.

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): aaaand you want, what exactly?

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): either an information of same or higher value or you will owe me one in the future.

“Athena thinking for some seconds, while speaking to herself”

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): an information equal to an information only adults know and do not wanna talk about. How about this information...

“Athena whispers into Ratatoskr’s ear, giving him an excited look on his face”

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): milady, we have a deal.

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): so speak up, what is with the deal that, that guy... Skadi or what his name is, only got a punishment of one year after killing over a thousand people and destroying a whole island including one of the most important holy places of the country.

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): did you pick up the so called rumor those students before were talking about?

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): that the Church Academy was abducting girls from the nearby academies and abusing them? Ohh and that, that guys girlfriend or so was one of their victims.

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): exactly, it is not only a rumor, it is the truth. And it was not his girlfriend, it was a girl who lived in his neighbourhood, who was like a big sister to him. Who got kidnapped on her way home from the Academy. After she had not come home before midnight her parents called him, and asked if she were over at his place. After hearing that she had not come home, he went out and searched for her, and found out she had been seen with some boys with the church academy emblem on his pants. He infiltratrated the academy and tracked her down, she was covered in bruises and had no light in her eyes, like she had lost the will to live. As he saw that, he simply lost control of his emotions and let anger take over, he destroyed the Academy and killed all people who were inside it at that time, except for the abducted girls. Eyewitnesses say that his gaze was cold as ice, as if he had just lost all hope in humanity, as he came out carrying his neighbour in the arms.

“As Ratatoskr finished the story, he only saw dark despair in Athena’s normaly sky blue eyes”

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): what a bunch of filthy animals, they got what they deserved. And that Academy was called one of the holiest places in this country? Then this country is Rotten! All the way to its core.

”Began laughing, Ratatoskr turned Athena’s expression back to normal”

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): ...ahahaha. First time im seeing that expression on the queen of war, who usualy always keeps a calm mind. ohh and by the way, there is a video online of the last scene of the story, showing Skadi’s cold eyes and his destruction. If you give me your mail addresse i can send you a link later.

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): even i have emotions and expressions you know. But fine, here you go, my Yggdrasil account name, send me the link there.

“Ratatoskr began to walk out the classroom”

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): wait up, one more thing, you never mentioned who your source to that story is.

Eran Edelrose (Ratatoskr): ohh, did i not? My source is the victim of the story, the abducted neighbour. And one more… Skadi himself.

“As Ratatoskr went back to his own classroom, Athena began to stare out the window into the sky, with a distant look in her eyes”

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): skadi, huh? Sounds like this school will not be so boring after all.

 

“Four hours later in the auditorium hall, at the welcome speech for the new students”

 

Welcome speech moderator: and now, a few heart tearing and tear jerking words from our father of time Principal Ursus Wellington.

“Astonished sounds fills the first year rows as the Principal enters the stage, tall and big as a bear on its hind legs. With long grey hair and beard. A walk like a majestic lion, as he crosses the stage in his yukata as dark blue as the night sky in a fullmoon night, Looking through the first year rows with a soothening look on his face, as a caring parent.”

Ursus Wellington (Principal): Welcome new young students, to the Saint Knight High. You have all been accepted here, because you have shown outstanding abilities and proven yourself worthy, to be called a Saint Knight High Student. You will spend the next three years to study and train here at this school of ours, you will find friends and comrades among your fellow students, but as we all are different in body and mind, you will also find people you may disagree and argue with, and when that time comes remember. Do not hold a grudge against that person just because he or she does not share the same opinion as you. But think of, that you are all students who in the future will fight as comrades on the same battlefield. Who will fight for the same country, your country, the place you were born, the place your grew up and the place you want to protect for the next generation of young soldiers and for the future.

“While the second and third years immediately began to applaud normally, the first year students are stunned silent for a moment, before bursting out in applaus, as the principal ends his speech and gives the stage back to the moderator”

Welcome speech moderator: thank you very much for the really great speech Old man Urs, even if it is just written down text on repeat year after year. If you like me, did not fall asleep. I hope you understood his message, that you are still green behind the ears, so GET ALONG with each other. And NOW, the moment you have all waited for, the speech of the best student among our cute little first years. The Rose, more beautiful than a goddess, the sword sharper than a sonic slash, the goddess of victory and wisdom Athena, our dear transfer student, Juliaaaa... Winterbloooooom.

“The whole hall burst out in applause, cheers and whistels and threw roses as Athena entered the stage”

”Athena waiting some minutes at the speakers desk for the hall to become silent”

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): Thank you very much for the warm welcome. I stand here today representing the new Saint Knight High first year students. We the first years are greatful to have been accepted here at the Saint Knight High. We will spend our three years here, studying and training hard, while tightening our bond with each other and our seniors. We promise to respect our teachers and seniors and accept all the helpful advices they have for us. Aswell respect our school and don’t ruin its name and reputation when we get the chance go represent it in diffrent tournaments and challenges. Thank you very much.

“The whole hall gave a respectful applause, until they saw that Athena did not yet leave the speakers desk”

“Athena loosens her tie abit and opens the top blazer button”

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): now then, now as we are done with the formalities, i have one more thing. I am sure as you all know, the one known as Skadi, is gonna enroll on our highschool aswell.

“All students began gasping and mumbling about the topic “skadi”. As the teachers were about to go on stage and stop Athena speaking about the topic, they are stopped by the principal, who aswell silences the whole hall with a high, ear deafening whistle”

Ursus Wellington (Principal): BE QUIET! let her speak.

Julia Winterbloom (Athena): Thank you very much principal Wellington sir. Back to topic, Skadi will enroll at this academy and i’m sure each one of you, has your own thoughts about him and what he have done. But i will tell you ONE thing, i Julia Winterbloom also known as Athena, am gonna befriend Skadi. Think about it, he is the wielder of a godly name and controls his power to the extent, that he in rage froze a whole island and killed a thousand people, but still kept a calm enough mind to not harm any victims. I believe that when he becomes a student here, there will be rumors about our school, but his power will also be a great weapon against the other schools at the upcoming turnaments, such as the Olympus Carnival at the Olympus school festival. So let me tell you this, you may hate or despise him and talk about him behind his back, but i on my side, am not only gonna aim to become the number one student in our country, but also use him, to make our school the number one, so that i can become the number one student of the number one school. Or do you guys not wanna make your exam at the best school of the country? Thank you very much for listening. Let us have a good year with each other.

”Athena leaves the stage, leaving the whole hall in silence, as you suddenly hear applause from four people at different places in the hall, leaving a smile on Athena”.

(to be continued in chapter 2: The waiting Athena)

Discussion (16)

  1. Kid Kami Post author

    What do you think about the start of one of my stories?

    It is to be said, i have never read a light novel before, neither do i read books, i only watch anime.
    But STILL i do have an incredible creative mind. I made up the beginning of this story a morning as i woke up, still half in sleep.

  2. Justice

    A good start for a morning story idea. I’ll be honest, the premise is interesting but the story is a little hard to follow along with. Going with the dialog only approach made things difficult to picture as I read. I just stuffed any generic anime character in as filler. Athena now has pink hair and wearing one of those school girl sailor uniforms. Fairly certain I was correct to assume they were in a classroom throughout. There are too few context clues to go off of to build the environment you are envisioning. Is the room ritzy or sleek?
    There are few sandwich sentences when using My Lady or Lady Athena. Best practice is to use this title addressing sparingly unless the character is purposely using it to make a point. Anime can sometimes get away with it but with written material its a bit distracting.

    On a creative nit-picking note: Less is more. When Eran Edelrose explains the reason behind why Skadi did what he did I would emphasis more on suggestive information. What you put in there would probably be too awkward for teens to discuss openly. Especially if the event as tragic as that hit close to home.

    Eran Edelrose: Well, the truth is that it was a friend he looked up to like an older sister. All these stories floating around about girls being kidnapped and when she didn’t come home from the library… Guess he just snapped. He found them and what they had done to her…
    They said he was cold as stone walking out with those girls. Every one of those creeps from the Church Academy were… we know what happened afterwards.

    1. Kid Kami Post author

      Thank you very much for the feedback.
      Ok, i havent yet, described the schools environment, but ive found a name for the country, described athena abit, removed some of the mildays, took out the middle of the act thing and shortened the sentences here and there.

      Ohh btw, did i built up some curiosity with the information Athena gave Ratatoskr? Meaning are you curious to know what it was? 🙂

  3. Kid Kami Post author

    Thank you very much for your feedback, as written before, i dont read much, so feedback is a good helper ^^

  4. Cheyenne J Austria

    I am really interested in your story’s concept. Your target audience is likely going to be familiar with the JRPG trope of a religious organization being the villain, so in a way I think how you’ve set the story after a scandal has already been uncovered is a unique idea. That said, I think you could improve the story’s setting by showing how that incident shaped their lives and opinions.

    If you are going to use flashbacks about Skadi’s rampage (which could be a story all on its own), you may want to leave a lot of information about the incident as mystery, maybe with rumors that say different things about what might have happened.

    One of the biggest improvements you can make is to focus on showing instead of telling. Eran Edelrose’s first line was a good example of showing and not telling, because just from his words I got a good idea of his personality. I think when you indicate how a character is speaking, like “trying to be funny” or “angry”, that is telling instead of showing because the character’s words can clue the reader in to their emotions. However, when I read it like a movie script, it makes more sense because listing who is talking, and sometimes the way to say their lines, is useful information for the actors.

    1. Kid Kami Post author

      Don’t worry, there will be a flashback chapter of the incident ^_^ where skadi and the big sisters afterwards are talked to in the present time and how they have been living on since.

      Hmm, i see… ya i get what you mean with the showing/telling thing, i’m still totally mew to writing as this is my first story that i’m writing down ^_^ but i’ll do my best on improving it.

      Thank you VERY much for the feedback ^^

  5. Roy Frost

    I like the story n the suspense even more,I wanna know what happens when skadi transfers

  6. Kid Kami Post author

    Thank you very much ^_^ don’t worry i will soon introduce skadi.

  7. Javon Sankoh

    The premise is interesting, but there are improvements to be made. I think that only two things should be known about the incident with Skadi destroying the school: One, the culprit’s name. Two, the fact that it was done. It is more suspenseful if the incident starts off as a mystery, especially if the academy is only imprisoning him for one year. That should mean that the academy is hiding something, so the incident should not be well-known. I agree with @justice107 on the difficulty of envisioning the scene, but you already said that you haven’t worked on the school environment yet. I would begin Julia with knowing zero information on Skadi because I assume that you’re going to have her befriend him, right? If that is case, she can see a different side of him that others don’t see. However, their friendship will meet a challenge when she finds out what he did, and that confrontation will be entertaining.

    I had slight trouble comprehending the plot at times. I didn’t understand why Julia or Skadi are considered ‘Gods’ as I thought powers were gained through emotions. I wonder why Julia is called the ‘queen of war.’ I’m sure that is an interesting background. This is just me, but I think that if you’re calling someone the ‘queen of war’, then that person’s personality would be more serious. You have her as a calm person though. Again, that is just me.

    Overall, I’d say it is good for something you just typed in the morning. Keep at it!

    1. Kid Kami Post author

      Thank you very much for your feedback Javon ^_^ hmm, i see, you’re right, creating a mystery with the frozen island, could also be quite a nice idea. but my intention was for Julia to befriend him (you guessed that right), but with her already knowing what he did and why, and let the other unknowing students shut him out. There will be a battle between Athena and Skadi later also, but not because of what he did, that will be an other highschool students reason…… and the god names are given students from grade school to university, who has gained immense control of their powers and excel in using them in combat…. likevthe random female student says to Athena: “…who as you, has been given the name of a God because of his control of immense powers, the person we speak of, goes under the godly name “Skadi”…… but also this is my first time writing down a story, i’m still green behind the ears and have everything to learn ^^ that is why feedback, is such an nice thing.

      1. Javon Sankoh

        Ah, I understand. But, what kind of person are you gonna make Skadi? (You don’t have to tell me, just curious) Is he gonna be the type of guy who pushes others away to prevent others from getting involved with his problems? I assume that you won’t make it easy for Julia to be friends with Skadi and he might have changed a bit during his time in prison. For example, his goal before the incident could have been to be the best student he could be. After the incident, his goal could be to destroy all the corrupt schools, and that could be when Julia and he clash.

        Okay, so the names are given to students with great control over their power. They are like titles or rankings, right? And, you’re welcome, man. I was just like you when I first decided to write a light novel. I was inspired by anime. And just like you, I would be doing manga if I was good at drawing so I’m glad to help a fellow writer.

  8. Kid Kami Post author

    No Actually, Skadi had ALOT of time to think things over and also meditate, in prison, think on what he did, that he got SOME innocent involved in it. And yes what he wants to do further on. But no i won’t make him hard approacheble, other ås will be the approach problem, not himself. And yes, the god names are like a title, but one fitting to their fighting style or powers. And after finishing university, and getting into the adult world, people get a real Rank, instead of a title and the title will be given to the next fitting student over the country.

  9. Justice

    There more suspense with the additions which adds to the story. You’re characters are still too straight forward and honestly, not that interesting. You have to cultivate personality by each character’s responses and lingo. They are flat with their reactions. Give somebody a shudder or go slightly off topic as they trade information back and forth. A dialog quark like someone always finishes a sentence with a ‘teehee’ laugh or something that gets on everyone’s nerves. If you’re going with straight dialog to progress the story you’ll need to give flavor to each one of characters to keep it interesting. I recommend reading a few other stories on this webpage for formatting your story. There is some real talent that you can piggyback off of as far as style goes. I’ll also send you a version of the story that I put together as a little help tool. Otherwise, this is still a good start. I’m looking forward to the next addition.

  10. Kid Kami Post author

    Sweps a tear out of my eye, and replies while smiling joyful “Thank you VERY much for the straightforward advises, those are the best help”, moving my hand up scratching my backhead, bowing my head little still looking up, with a little smile “i am like the first years still green behind my ears, on the matter of writing a story down”, suddenly changing my face to a big smile and pointing at my head “inside my head the story is amazing though ^_^”.
    Leaving this comment, while doing a deep grateful bow.

  11. Kyrin Knightsbridge

    Seeing as you’ve posted your work on this particular site, I’m assuming that you’re going to write a light novel. The first thing that I noticed upon reading your piece was the way you presented your dialogue. If you’re writing a light novel, you should really try a different approach – instead of the way you’ve written it, maybe try making it so that it flows naturally, as it would be in an actual published work. So no ‘random male students’ reciting their lines, but perhaps something along the lines of –

    “It’s today, isn’t it?”

    A ripple of suppressed excitement, mingled with the faintest hint of tension, spread across the classroom, disrupting the usually relaxed atmosphere amongst the students of class 1-A. All of them had heard the rumour; indeed, rare were the students who hadn’t picked up on it, and fewer still were the ones who did not know the name Skadi.

    “Yeah, they’re saying that he’s coming back. Ten bucks says he’ll turn up halfway through the welcoming speech!”

    I put this together very quickly, but you should be able to see where I’m going with this. Integrate your dialogue with your narrative prose, so that your story moves along more naturally, more organically, than it would be if you resorted to using disparate blocks of descriptive prose and dialogue as you have done.

    That was the most glaring issue that popped up as I skimmed through, but other minor issues that I picked up on include – (a) awkwardly flowing writing in general, (b) walls of dialogue which would read better if broken down into shorter sentences, (c) character descriptions that are just blatant infodumping.

    The most prescient advice I can offer you – intersperse your writing with more description. Your story is dense on details but light on description – they tell me what’s going on, but they aren’t enough for me to visualise the world you’re trying to bring to life through your writing. By all means, tell us about Athena’s conversation with Ratatoskr, but also tell us how she reacts, the changes in her tone of voice, etc.

    In a similar vein, you’ve told us about the principal’s speech, but you haven’t really given us an insight into how the scene actually unfolds. A good piece of writing should tell the reader a lot, without actually putting things explicitly into words. Instead of saying that the principal is ‘tall and big as a bear on its hind legs’ and has ‘a walk like a majestic lion’, consider instead writing that ‘the principal’s heavy footfalls echoed throughout the auditorium as he made his entrance’. Both pieces of writing convey essentially the same meaning, but the difference is in how that meaning is conveyed; explicitly telling the reader what you’re imagining as you wrote, or implicitly, allowing the reader some creative leeway to imagine the scene you’re building.

    1. Kid Kami Post author

      Thank you very much for the feedback and examples, i’ll definietly try to put good use of them in my 2nd chapter and hope it’ll get on a whole different level, than this chapter. So again, thank your very much ^_^

Comments are closed.