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Triple Orb Academy V1 – Ch 1, Bad Start for a Board Quest

Discussion (3)

  1. S0rahana

    I’ve finally had the time to write a review of this one 😀

    Triple Orb Academy Preliminary Review

    Chapters read: 01/? of Volume 01

    Story Concept (09/10)
    “Welcome to the world of Zeffernon”. I was actually impressed with the concept. Though ‘magic’ genre was common since before, you’ve still managed to make it interesting because of your well detailed world-building. I was not sure if those magic and alchemic terms originally came from yours or if you researched for them. Either way, the details were very satisfying as if you’re making things real 😀 Instead of making a pure fantasy magic concept, you’ve decided to create Zeffernon.

    Characters (07/10)
    The characters are fine, maybe I was just looking for more exotic personality :D. I see that the main character’s nature –a dark mage–, is already a common thing in different stories wherein discrimination is the main issue, but there’s no need to worry because there are still plenty of rooms for development through the next chapters. I have a liking with the personality of Sing though; she was just a character that you’ll never hate, probably because she was the most mature from the group.

    Grammar (09/10)
    The grammar was very good. For a novel, I always review the grammar because it is something very important, since most writers disregard that issue. In your case, the story was so easy to read, and the flow was good, there are some typos and technical errors, but it only needs a double or triple check and it’d be fine 😀

    Flow (08/10)
    I never thought that it’ll be slow paced. I suppose the story won’t follow the same length as of light novels, this is probably not intended to be something like that I guessed. I’m honestly not a big fan of slow paced story unless I enjoy reading it. In this case, I’m happy to say that you’ve made a job well done. I’m actually reading other novels aside of your story like Fire Girl and Biako’s ‘Requiem’, so it took a while before I was done reading the chapter.

    Expectations (07/10)
    After reading the first chapter, I’d be honest to say that I don’t have that much expectations yet. So far, I was only intrigued by the magnificent world building. Aside of that… there was nothing else. I couldn’t look for any hints of where the story will go so far, that said, I was not sure if the excellent world building would match up with something that we call as “plot wise”. But yeah, since this is just the first chapter, I can’t conclude anything yet 😀

    Overall (09/10)
    Overall, I’ll give with the score 9/10, which is equivalent to “great” :D. I am actually impressed to those who could write a very detailed story. Others would rely to research, while some would rely to pure imagination. Either of the two is good. Since the concept was “Magic” and “Alchemy”, you’ve perfectly provided a good explanation to the spells, which was best way that made the story convincing 😀

    On the endnotes:

    Again, big thanks for pre-ordering my “Infinite Days” novel. I do hope that the psychological plot will satisfy you. Also, I’m planning to release the third chapter of X Days here. Hopefully, you can also give it a try 😀

  2. Luis Aleman

    So as a first chapter, the concept of another world with alchemy sounds pretty cool and how you integrated pseudo-alchemy into it to make it more believable in it’s world.

    My only problems with the chapter

  3. Luis Aleman

    Sorry. I accidentally hit comment before finishing > <!!

    So as a first chapter, the concept of another world with alchemy sounds pretty cool and how you integrated pseudo-alchemy into it to make it more believable in it's world.

    My only problems with the chapter is that it has A LOT of exposition dumping and also lots of unnecessary information, for example, every little thing the characters and background characters do. I think you could've cut out the entire start of the chapter when Cadeus is visiting the Alchemy shop because nothing really happens with the dialogue and there's not really a good hook in the first paragraph. You can just forward to him right after the visit or shorten the beginning but make it more interesting.

    The way some characters are introduced is also pretty straightforward with exposition dumps and so on and not leaving much of an impression for the reader as we're just told who they are and what they do.

    When it comes to dialogue, it could use some more polishing in between characters talking with introspection on Cadeus's part and also some body language could enhance their emotions. Otherwise, the dialogue sections read like a script.

    Sometimes I was confused on the grammar because I couldn't tell if you wanted to write it in past or present tense. Also, I found there was a lot of "Cadeus" written in when you can replace it with "He" since in most parts the reader knows it's him.

    There's a lot of world building too but a lot of it gets dumped on the reader so try to even it out by including it in other chapters instead. And most of the alchemy explanations can be cut out or simplified with shorter descriptions or else the prose will drag on. Unless an explanation on an ingredient serves a clear purpose.

    So yeah, work on cutting down on the exposition dumps and adding some more engaging introspection as well.

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